“Love is expressed in many ways, and those affected by alcoholism may not be able to express it in the way we would like. But we can try to recognize love whenever and however it is offered. When it is not, we don’t have to feel deprived. With the encouragement and support of other, we learn to treat our need as important and appropriate, and to treat ourselves as deserving. Today the alcoholic may or may not be able to give us what we desire. And no one person will ever offer all the we require. If we stop insisting that our needs be met according to our will, we may discover that all the love and support we need is already at our fingertips.” – Courage to Change
I believe this applies not just to alcoholics, but to those we set unrealistic expectations on. I shared this quote with a woman and she said something else that hit home; “you don’t go to a dry well to get water. No matter how you dress the bucket, how you send the bucket down, or what kind of song and dance you do – a dry well is still a dry well.” Why do we continually go to the same people for things they won’t be able to provide? Do we believe we can change them? Do we believe that if we love them enough, they will change? If we ask enough times, they will WANT to give us what we seek?
I know I’ve thought those things before. Self-love and accepting people for who and where they are is something I continually have to work on. When I expect something from someone that they cannot give, I am the one who gets hurt. Yet it isn’t until I bash my head against the wall and come up hurt for the umpteenth time that I finally learn, this isn’t something they can give.
I have been provided with all the people and things I need. I am still learning, though, how each of those people express how they love me and in turn I express how I love them.